I was in the middle of writing a completely different piece. I stopped and decided to share something about myself.
I have mastered the art of procrastination. I don’t know if I was always this way. Well, maybe that’s a lie. I can work the hell out of a deadline and I think I’ve always operated that way. In college writing papers at the last minute, cramming for exams the night before, waiting until the ninth hour to sign paperwork for my children or turning in documents and proposals sometimes less than 10 minutes before they are due. I would never co-sign such behaviors with my kids or even want my team to do the same.
I asked my best friend to answer a section for me on a survey for a personal assistant. I did this because I do realize sometimes we really don’t see our true selves and my best friend knows me better than I know myself.
Survey: Describe yourself in a couple of sentences. (i.e personality traits, enneagram type)
Her reply for me: “I’m a procrastinator that works well under pressure. I am a hard-working and driven individual who often takes on more than I can realistically get done. But I still get it done. I am passionate about my family and work and can be anal. My work is often play but I don’t play about my work. I’m blackity, black, black and unapologetic about it.”
Now, remember she is writing about me for me. These things are all true but I doubt if I would have ever written them on the survey. Now I’m sitting here writing about being a procrastinator before an 11:59 p.m. deadline to have all of my stories published. Yes, I wrote five stories today and actually shifted gears a couple of times and changed stories at the last minute. I did this while editing for my team at the hyperlocal news outlet I founded, taking care of my daughter’s needs (She had an incident at school. I might write about it one day.), and hanging with my two little dogs. I did some other things in between too like going into the office at 8:30 a.m., sending emails, talking to team members, putting together invoices and other tasks for work.
I think it’s great that I can work under pressure but I think it’s unhealthy that I think I thrive when I work under pressure. I don’t. It’s stressful and I need to treat myself better. I need to be very transparent with myself about what this really is — A case of not being focused and disciplined.
It takes me days to recuperate from these deadline binges. I get insanely stressed.
Each month, I make promises to do better for you all but this time I’m making a promise and keeping it to do better for myself. I enjoy Black Like Us. I have no regrets but I sometimes neglect it in a way that doesn’t show the platform or my passion the love it deserves. I need to respect myself and my work.
I absolutely did not think I would be writing about my tendency to procrastinate at 8:05 p.m. on a Friday night while trying to make sure I publish before midnight. But damn, here I am. I had to DoorDash dinner for the kids, get my son to take my daughter to a football game (I was at the table clicking away at the keyboard on my laptop), have my mom handle business with a rental tenant and I put my boo on hold all day. Oh, and I think I missed a meeting.
Looking from the outside in, I seem to be busy all the time. But being busy does not mean being productive. Walking in circles is busy but it ain’t doing much except burning a few calories.
Being in this space is a privilege and an honor. I need to treat it as such. I literally get to travel the country and play hype man to Black folks who are killing the game. I love my job. Now it’s time for me to treat it like I really love it.
Again, this is also a journey for me too. Every minute, hour, day and month I become a better person. This journey is forcing me to look at myself in ways I never have.
P.S. If you are a recovering procrastinator and you have a few tips, please don’t hesitate to share.
